Jokes About Engineers and Engineering

Jokes About Engineers and Engineering Browse this collection of engineering jokes, engineering riddles, and other engineer humor. Definition of an Engineer What is the definition of an engineer? Answer: Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had, in a way you dont understand. Scientist Versus Engineer A scientist can discover a new star, but he cannot make one. He would have to ask an engineer to do that.- Gordon L. Glegg, British Engineer, 1969. Engineers and Glasses The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The engineer sees the glass as twice as big as it needs to be. Engineers: Wife or Mistress? An architect, artist, and engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with their wives or mistresses. The architect said, I like spending time with my wife building a firm foundation of a marriage. The artist said, I enjoy the time I spend with my mistress because of all the passion and energy. The engineer said I enjoy both. If you have a wife and a mistress, both women think you are with the other so you can go to work get more done. Engineering Joke A girl asked her boyfriend, an engineer, Dont you want to see where I was operated upon for appendicitis?The engineer replied, Oh, I hate to see a hospital. It Takes One to Know One Engineer and Mathematician (males) were given the opportunity to compete for a very attractive woman. But there was one condition: You can only run half the remaining distance between you and the lady. Eng. sprinted forward while Math. didnt. Why arent you running? Asked members of the Committee. Because, by definition, I will never be allowed to reach my target. And you Eng. why are you running? Dont you know the same? Yes, said Eng. my learned friend is correct. But I will get close enough for all practical purposes. Engineer Priorities An engineering major sees classmate riding up on a new bike and asks when he got it. I was walking back from the computer lab when the most beautiful woman I had ever seen rode up on this bike, stopped, took all her clothes off and said to me Take what you want! Good choice, the friend replies. The clothes probably wouldnt have fit you. EE Humor I keep trying to find a phone number in Atlanta, but all the websites keep returning Not Found errors. (Explanation: The area code for Atlanta is 404 as in HTTP 404, the error code for File Not Found) Engineering Degree Joke A graduate with a Science degree asks, Why does it work? A graduate with an Engineering degree asks, How does it work? A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, How much will it cost? A graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, Would you like an apple pie with that? Mechanical Engineers, Civil Engineers and Chemical Engineers What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets. Chemical Engineers are engineers that build targets that explode really well.

How to Actually Use Your SAT Math Formulas

How to Actually Use Your SAT Math Formulas SAT / ACT Prep Online Guides and Tips On average, you’ll need to use an SAT math formula once every four to five questions. This accounts for approximately 20-25% of the combined math sections, which means it is crucial that you understand how and when to employ your formulas on the SAT. We’ve put together the list of your need-to-know SAT formulas (prioritized in the order from greatest to least that you’ll see them on the SAT) as well as how to best use them for test-day. What Formulas Will You Need on the SAT? You will always be given nine geometry formulas and two geometry laws on the test, but NO algebra or coordinate geometry formulas. We’ve put together a list of the 21 SAT math formulas you should know for test dayand prioritized them according to â€Å"need to know† and â€Å"good to know.† If you feel rusty on any formula or math topic on the list, check out one of our individual math topic guidesto see how the formula works (and even why it works), as well as how to recognize when to use it. We’ll also show you the alternatives to using formulas for many questions. For instance, you can solve your distance questionsby either using the distance formula or by drawing a picture and using the Pythagorean Theorem. Both of these methods require formulas, but you are given the Pythagorean Theorem in the formula box, and so we have classified the distance formula as â€Å"good to know† but ultimately not â€Å"necessary.† SAT math questions are designed to be solved in a multitude of ways, so don't worry about having to find the one "right" path. How to Use Your Formulas Effectively So how do you best utilize your formulas, both given and not given? Let’s take a look. 1) MEMORIZE your formulas The best thing you can do for yourself (and your SAT math score) is to memorize your formulasyes, even the ones you’re given. Though it is nice to have the formula box as a fallback option to double-check your work, it is both a distraction and a time suck to continuously flip back and forth from problem to formula box, problem to formula box. Dividing your focus like this can lead to careless errors and is not something that we recommend. Unless you, for any reason, cannot memorize your formulas, then absolutely do so. Memorization (and practice, to drill them into your head) is going to be one of the strongest tools in your belt when taking the SAT math section. If you're a visual learner, make yourself a set of formula flash cards. If you're a kinesthetic (movement) learner, practice drawing and/or writing them out on a separate piece of paper. And if you're an auditory learner, get a parent or a friend to help you drill them aloud. Once you feel you've got your formulas down, practice using them on actual SAT questions to help you both remember them and learn how to use a particular formula for a particular problem. (We'll give you the opportunity to practice using your formulas in the next section.) 2) Prioritize learning your most crucial formulas Some formulas come up over and over (and over!), while others show up sparingly at best. If you are pressed for time, nervous about memorizing so many formulas, or simply trying to map out your plan of attack, memorize your formulas in the order that they appear most often on the test. Of your â€Å"necessary† formulas, they appear on the test from greatest prevalence to least in roughly this order: Law: the sum of the interior degrees of a triangle is 180 Area of a triangle Law: the sum of the degrees of a straight line is 180 Area of a rectangle (or other quadrilateral) Pythagorean Theorem Finding slope of a given line (rise/run) Finding slope of line connecting two points Finding percentages Law: the number of degrees of arc in a circle is 360 Area of a circle Circumference of a circle Finding averages Area of a circle’s arc Circumference of a circle’s arc Finding probabilities Finding combinations Finding the midpoint of a line Volume of rectangular solid Volume of cylinder Of the â€Å"good to know† or â€Å"shortcut† formulas, you will need them roughly in this order: Special right triangle properties, 30-60-90 Special right triangle properties, 45-45-90 Arithmetic sequences Geometric sequences Distance formula 3) Decide NOW which (if any) of your â€Å"good to know† formulas you want to memorize The reason they are called â€Å"good to know† formulas is exactly how it soundsyou can find all the answers to your SAT math problems without knowing these formulas or shortcuts at all. On the other hand, knowing them can save you time and effort, so it’s entirely your decision whether or not to memorize them. Just keep in mind that it is worse to remember a formula incorrectly than it is to have not attempted memorizing it at all. So if you do decide to memorize, say, the distance formula, make sure you’ve got it locked down tight. Otherwise, just decide here and now to only pay attention to your necessary formulas and leave the â€Å"good to know† formulas in the dust. 4) Practice SAT math questions at home without looking up your formulas It’s one thing to memorize your formulas with flash cards, but it’s a whole other ball game to remember them when you come face to face with real SAT math problems. You’ll have to figure out which formulas to use and how to execute them, in addition to remembering just what they are. And the only way you’re going to be able to do this is by practicing. After you’ve made the effort to memorize your formulas, practice your SAT questions without the safety net. Try to solve them as if you were really taking the testso memorize your formulas if possible, but feel free to use the given formulas as a fallback in case you get stuck or need to double-check your answers. 5) Don’t panic if you forget a formula Most of all don’t panic! We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it againthere are always multiple ways for you to solve your SAT math questions. So if you forget a formula, don’t worry about it! Is it a problem that can’t be solved without a formula? You will always have your given formulas in your formula box to rely on in a pinch. Is it a problem that requires an algebraic (aka, NOT given) formula? Then you will likely be able to solve it in a way that does not require a formula. On most occasions, you will be able to use the strategies of plugging in answers,plugging in numbers,or even just making a logical guess, to help you solve questions that you otherwise cannot. If necessary, you can usually eliminate one or two answer choices that are obvious outliers, even if you don’t know the formulas or strategies for how to solve the problem. For example, let's check out how we narrow down our answer options for an SAT math problem without using any formulas at all. If, for any reason, you forgot your formulas and even forgot that you had a formula box at your disposal, you can still eliminate several answer choices for this problem. If we remember that all SAT figures are drawn to scale unless otherwise noted, we can see at a glance that angles $a$ and $c$ are clearly smaller than angles $b$, $d$, and $e$. Eliminating two answer choices is enough to take a guess on the SAT and not risk too much with a wrong answer penalty, but we might be able to narrow it down even further. Even without knowing that a straight line has a degree measure of 180, we can logically deduce that a straight line must measure some amount and that all straight lines will be the same. The unknown angle attached to a given angle in a straight line (the supplementary angle) will therefore measure the remaining amount of the full measure of the line (whatever that measure may be). To visualize this, let's say that you have two buckets full of tennis balls. Each bucket contains the exact same amount of tennis balls, even though you don't know how many that is. You remove two tennis balls from the first bucket and one tennis ball from the second. Even though you didn't know how many tennis balls there were to begin with in each bucket, we know that the second bucket must have more tennis balls remaining than the first. This means that the angle attached (supplementary) to the larger given angle on a line will be smaller than the angle supplementary to the smaller given angle on a line. In other words,angle $e$ will be smaller than angle $b$, because $e$ is attached to a larger angle on a line. This means we can eliminate angle $e$ from the group. This leaves us with two answer choices, $b$ and $d$, all without the use of any formulas whatsoever. By guessing now, we have a 50-50 shot of getting it right! [Note: the correct answer is D, angle $d$.] And, as a last resort, you can always skip the problem entirely. Remember: if you cannot eliminate any answer choices, then you’re better off skipping the problem and simply moving on. Pick up points where you can and cut your lossesa question here and there that you have to skip won’t affect your score as much as you may think. Ready to test out your formula skills? SAT Math Practice Using Formulas Now let’s test your formula knowledge against real SAT math problems, all of which require formulas (both given and not given) to solve. 1) 2) 3) 4) Answers: D, D, C, 8 Answer Explanations: 1) If we remember our solid geometry formulas, we know that the volume of a rectangular prism is found by: $a = lwh$ So we can find the volume of our smaller rectangular blocks by multiplying the height, length, and width. $3 * 2 * 1$ $6$ inches. We can also find the volume of our larger prism the same way. We are told that the box is a cube, which means that the height, length, and width are all equal. If one side of the cube measures 6 inches, the volume of the cube will be: $6 * 6 * 6$ $216$ inches. Now we can simply divide the larger box by the smaller blocks. $216/6$ $36$ 36 smaller rectangular blocks will be able to fit into the larger box. Our final answer is D, 36. 2) This is another problem we can pretty much eyeball and work through logically, without knowing much about circles. We can also work through it using our formulas properly, so let's look at both techniques. Let's start by estimating. We are told that the larger circle has a circumference of 36 and that the radius of the smaller circle is half the radius of the larger circle. We also know that the figure is to scale, since we are not told otherwise. Even without knowing anything about circles, we can see that the cut out of 80 ° looks to be a little less than a quarter of both the larger and the smaller circle. As you can see, the red lines would divide the circle into proper quarters, and 80 ° is a little less than this. So if we know that the larger circumference is 36, we can divide this by 4 to find the approximate length of the larger arc. $36/4 = 9$ We know that the arc of the larger circle must besmaller than 9 (remember80 ° is a little less than a quarter), so the arc of the smaller circle must be even smaller than this. We can safely eliminate answer options A and B. Now we can eyeball the difference between the arc measures and guess that, if the larger arc is close to 9, the smaller arc is probably larger than 2. This leaves us with two answer choices, C and D, which gives us a 50-50 chance of getting the right answer. It is a safe time to make our best guess. Alternatively, we can solve the question by using our knowledge of circle formulas and angles. We are told that the larger circle has a circumference of 36 and we know that, to find the circumference of a circle, we use the formula: $c =Ï€2r$ If the circumference is 36, then the radius must be $36/2 = 18$ This means that the radius of the smaller circle (which we were told is half the radius of the larger) must be 9. Now, to find the circumference of an arc, we use the formula: $c_{arc} =Ï€2r(\angle/360)$ $18(80/360)$ $4$ Our final answer is D, 4. 3) We know that the area of a triangle is: $a = {1/2}bh$ Imagine, then, that we are working with a right triangle. This way, we can use one of our leg measures as our height to get our maximum area. We also know that the hypotenuse of a right triangle will be the side opposite the 90 degree angle. So if 10 is the longest side (the hypotenuse), the base or the height would have to be smaller. If, however, 10 acted as either the base or the height, the 7 would act as the other piece. This would mean our area was: $a = {1/2}(10)(7)$ $a = 35$ The largest possible area for our triangle is 35. Our final answer is C, 35. 4) For this problem, let us first fill in our given information. Now, we know that triangle APC is a right triangle, which means we can use either the Pythagorean Theorem (or our triangle shortcuts) to find the length of AP. $a^2 + b^2 = c^2$ $a^2 + 3^2 = 5^2$ $a^2 + 9 = 25$ $a^2 = 16$ $a = 4$ AP = 4 Now triangle ABP is also a right triangle, because it is connected on a line to the right triangle APC. In other words, angles BPA and APC are supplementary. This means we can find the measure of leg BA by using the Pythagorean Theorem one more time. $a^2 + b^2 = c^2$ $(4√3)^2 + 4^2 = c^2$ $16(3) + 16 = c^2$ $48 + 16 = c^2$ $64 = c^2$ $c = 8$ BA = 8. Our final answer is 8. You did it! It's done, yay! Image: Travis Nep Smith/Flickr The Take-Aways Don’t underestimate the value of needing to both know and understand your SAT formulas, but don’t get too fixated on them either. Though problems that require formulas account for 20-25% of your overall SAT math questions, that still leaves 75-80% of all SAT math questions that DON’T require formulas at all. So make sure that you know your formulas, but don’t think that knowing your formulas is the only hurdle to pass to do well on your SAT math test. Formula knowledge is just one step (though an important step) for doing well on the SAT math section as a whole. But a knowledge of your formulas, a balanced study plan, and a brush-up on any SAT math topic in which you might be rusty will definitely help get you to get where you need to be by test-day. What’s Next? Need to brush up on a particular SAT math topic?Check out ourindividual math topic guidesfor all your SAT math needs. Running out of time on the SAT math section?We'll show youhow to beat the clock and maximize your scorebefore time runs out. Been procrastinating in your SAT math study?Our guide willhelp you balance out your study time and beat back the urge to procrastinate. Aiming for a perfect score?Check out ourguide to getting an 800 on the SAT math section, written by a perfect-scorer. Want to improve your SAT score by 160 points? Check out our best-in-class online SAT prep program. We guarantee your money back if you don't improve your SAT score by 160 points or more. Our program is entirely online, and it customizes what you study to your strengths and weaknesses. If you liked this Math strategy guide, you'll love our program.Along with more detailed lessons, you'll get thousands ofpractice problems organized by individual skills so you learn most effectively. We'll also give you a step-by-step program to follow so you'll never be confused about what to study next. 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Macbeth Act 4 Coursework Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 250 words

Macbeth Act 4 - Coursework Example 2. Do you have any sympathy for Macbeth in Act 4, scene 1? We feel sympathy when we learn someone is struggling and suffering, even if they are suffering because of their own sins and faults, in which they sincerely repent. In the case of Macbeth, he is willingly goes to witches; he has seen them before and knows that they are strange, evil and hideous creatures, however he chooses to go to them and, when he comes to their abound, he acts boldly, he commands witches to answer him, even if they will have to call on all the power of hell, and it would mean destruction in nature – he does not care for anything else, he only cares to get his answers. â€Å"Even till destruction sicken, answer me / To what I ask you† (4.1.61-62) 3. Imagine you are directing this scene. How would you: design the set dress Lady Macduff and her son direct the characters to act etc. To maximize the sense of innocence - i.e. the more innocent Lady Macduff and her son seem to the audience, the mor e cruel their murders seem, and the more wicked Macbeth will look. In the castle of Macduff there are usual daily activities that carried out – chores to attend, there are domestic animals, servants. Lady Macduff is in her middle age, tidy, stout woman; she has an apron and a headpiece. She is obviously a head of this household; she speaks gently, yet firmly.

Human resource management & technical change Essay

Human resource management & technical change - Essay Example Megginson, L.C. (1981:6) defines personnel management as the "performance of all managerial functions involved in planning for, recruiting, selecting, developing, utilizing, rewarding, and maximizing the potential of the human resources of an organization". The implication here is that all managers, at all levels, have a duty to perform the personnel function. According to De Cenzo & Robbins (2002:2), inception can also be called "staffing" in that it is a way of getting individuals into the organization. This dimension entails strategic human resource planning, recruitment and selection. Hellriegel et al (1993:246) defines as the process of deciding on and analyzing the organization's mission, overall objectives, general strategies, and major resource allocationsThe overall purpose of strategic planning and management is to deal effectively with environmental opportunities and threats in terms of the organization's strengths and weaknesses". The major elements in strategic planning are mission, objectives, strategies and resource allocation. De Cenzo et al (2002:150) defines recruiting as "the process of discovering potential candidates for actual or anticipated organizational vacancies. Or from another perspective, it is a linking activity- bringing together those with jobs to fill and those seeking jobs. In other words, recruitment is the process of looking for persons who possibly may be suitable to fill the vacancies. It does not mean that an interested person has already been appointed in the vacancy, it only tries to find a number of suitable persons from which the final selection can be made. Hellriegel (1993:390) advises that "the organization should develop a pool of job candidates from which to select qualified employees. Candidates are recruited by, for example, running adverts, contacting employment agencies, and visiting college campuses". One thing that should be noted is the importance of trade unions because lower-level workers are recruited by trade unions. They have contact with all their members in the different enterprises and can bring vacancies in all the different enterprises to their members' attention. Selection according to Hellriegel et al (1993:390), "takes place after recruiting candidates for available positions. The organization selects and hires those people who are most likely to perform well on the job. These decisions can be difficult'. It is worth

Depression: A Problem in an Aggregate of Atoms? :: Biology Essays Research Papers

Depression: A Problem in an Aggregate of Atoms? â€Å"The man who sees his neighbor only as an aggregate of atoms cannot have the same conception of his real self. He thus arrives necessarily at a fundamental contradiction.† - F. Husemann (1) Throughout history, depression was thought of simply as a flawed character condition. Fifty years ago, pharmaceutical treatments for depression did not exist. A major breakthrough occurred in 1974, when a study by scientists at Eli Lilly and Company concluded that a cause of depression is a chemical imbalance manifested by a malfunctioning serotogenic system (2). Many researchers and doctors asserted that â€Å"depression is not a moral weakness, nor mental sloth, but a true brain disease that can be successfully treated† (3).The treatment took the form of a series of drugs which are collectively known as antidepressants. Most of the literature on these drugs takes a one sided approach on what causes depression and how a â€Å"single action† molecule can treat it. At the same time, often the same article, asserts that depression is a â€Å"whole body† illness that affects a person’s physical and mental health, taking hostage of his/her whole existence (4). One molecule must have the ability to treat this condition, successfully alleviating all bad thoughts, curing the physical troubles that go along with it, and in effect, correcting the state of depression. But like with everything in life, it is just not that simple. Any inquiry into the depth of the nervous system has to begin with the understanding of its complexity. Many accounts of depression and the working of antidepressants, view human beings as â€Å"aggregation of atoms† and often fail to recognize the â€Å"real self,† which must at least encompass the complex and often incomprehensible interactions of those atoms. Pablo Picasso, one of the most famous artists, asserted that â€Å"every act of creation is first of all an act of destruction.† In the study of the nervous system, and how it is affected by various chemicals, the act of creation can be viewed as the uncovering of the truth. But this inquiry has to begin with the recognition of our lack of understanding, that is, we must destroy our prejudices of the certainty of our knowledge. In the following paper I will point out our current awareness of the state of depression and how and why antidepressants are thought to work. Also I will present some of the contradicting issues which arise from implications of what we know and what we do not know about the state of depression and the medium of its conduction - the nervous system.

Reducing oil dependence in United States of America Essay

Fossil fuels such as oil are the main source of energy used especially for modern vehicles. An important strategy to cut the oil dependence would be to use electricity as the source of energy because electricity is cheap and surplus in America (Sandalow, 2008). In order to reduce the oil dependence for the vehicles, the vehicles that run on electricity has to be generated. Although such vehicles are present, with the use of improved technologies, still better engines, which are light and which require less time for recharging could be produced and the dependence on oil could be reduced to a great extent. Here the electricity that is produced in an electrochemical cell is used. Although there are other methods of generating electricity such as utilizing wind power, solar energy etc, the use of such energy for vehicles in a feasible manner require much more research. Since the vehicles are the major consumer of oil, the best strategy to reduce oils dependence would be to use electrical energy from a battery to replace fuels used in vehicles. Foods with â€Å"no sugar added† label attached Sugar is a form of carbohydrate, which is one of the major nutrients required by our body. There are simple sugars as well as complex sugars. The sugar, which is added in the food, â€Å"table sugar†, is a simple sugar. Other forms of simple sugar such are lactose, fructose etc are present in foods such as milk, fruits, honey etc. The complex sugars such as starch are present in plenty in cereals, vegetables etc. These complex sugars would be converted into simple sugars in the body and can influence the blood glucose levels. Any food in which cereals, milk, fruits, vegetables etc are the ingredients, would contain significant amount of sugars. So even if sugar is not added in a food, it may contain sugar that would be dangerous for a diabetic patient. So even when the label â€Å"no sugar added† is there on any food item, it doesn’t mean a diabetic patient can safely consume that food. References Sandalow, D. (2009) Ending Oil Dependence :Protecting National Security, the Environment and the Economy. http://abcnews. go. com/images/Politics/PB_Energy_Sandalow. pdf. 2008 (accessed on 6 February 2009) Danoff, R. (2009) â€Å"No Sugar Added† Is Not a Free Ride. http://health. msn. com/health-topics/diabetes/articlepage. aspx? cp-documentid=100120404&vv=650 (accessed on 6 February 2009)

How To Make a Ketchup Packet Cartesian Diver

Place a ketchup packet in a bottle of water and make it rise and fall at your command, as if by magic. Of course, the magic involves some basic science, and squeezing the bottle. With a little practice, you can make it appear that you arent squeezing the bottle. If you are performing this demonstration as a magic trick you can say you are using the power of your mind to move the ketchup. Pretend to be concentrating very hard, using your incredible powers of telekinesis. How the Trick Works An air bubble is trapped inside a ketchup packet when it is sealed at the factory. If the bubble is big enough, it makes the packet float in water. When you squeeze the bottle, the water wont compress but the air bubble inside the ketchup packet is squeezed and becomes smaller. The size of the packet is reduced, but its mass remains unchanged. Density is mass per volume, so squeezing the bottle increases the density of the ketchup packet. When the density of the packet is more than the density of the water the packet will sink. When you release the pressure on the bottle the air bubble expands and the ketchup packet rises. Heres how to do the diving ketchup trick and how it works. What You Need Plastic bottleKetchup packet from a fast food restaurantWater Instructions Assemble your materials.Drop the ketchup packet into the bottle.Seal the lid of the bottle.Fill the bottle with water. The ketchup packet should float somewhere in the middle of the bottle.If it sinks, try using a different packet (the size of the air bubble inside the ketchup packet varies slightly) or else dump out the water and ketchup, bend the packet slightly so that it can hold an air bubble when you fill the bottle again, and refill the bottle. Trap an air bubble on a heavy packet and tap the bottle until you knock off enough bubbles to get the packet to the middle of the bottle.Squeeze the bottle to cause the ketchup packet to sink.Relax your grip on the bottle to cause the packet to float.